https://open.spotify.com/episode/4UiQklYEZFzbzcTbuk7B4v
Mood: Self-aware
Context: Recently concluded festivals in the city and being on stage again
Recently, our city celebrated an annual festival (a fiesta, for those who know) that includes pageants and things. I attended and did a sort of legacy walk on stage on behalf of my batch in 2011, as they were all not available!
Two things, I love that I got to share this moment with my cousin and I love that I got to socialize a little bit during this time. Being an online freelancer now, I think I can count with my hands the times I go out of the house each month. And that’s not to say I’m proud of it or shameful about it. It just is.
Another thing, I found myself grappling with my ego yet again. I tell myself this isn’t such a big thing. Being on TV to a citywide audience isn’t something I necessarily achieved (although I did achieve something in the past). And yes, it boosts the ego and the increase in activities in my Facebook notifications does make it feel like I am onto something.
But what we must not forget here is that I have done and continue doing the work of becoming mentally, and emotionally resilient through personal development for the past 12 years! And I feel like that is something that is of noteworthy accomplishment! Even more than winning pageants, I would dare say.
When you become more self-aware in honing your personal mindset and beliefs, you understand what it truly takes to step away from shiny things just because they shine, and actually shine because you are a queen in your own right! Because you’ve done the work in yourself to be someone who isn’t just in it “to win it” but in it to share it.
To share your success with others requires more than just ego. It requires humility and wisdom that isn’t simply learned in school or in a classroom or course curriculum setting. You learn it sometimes the hard way, but you learn it nevertheless from experience.
And so here I am flowing with my ego. I don’t want there to be a battle between me and myself. There are so many wars happening on this earth already. I can’t afford to wage an internal war. What I can do is acknowledge the ego. It’s there, but it doesn’t have to faze me. When you like yourself, you won’t need anyone else to like you (not even on Facebook! Lol).
I am grateful that even through the times when I feel like comparing myself to others, these days, I have learned enough to notice this and send love to the people I compare myself with. There really is no point in competing and comparing yourself with others. I’ve always believed that even before my personal development journey. But comparing and competing with the past version of you? That is something worthwhile because it shows that you aren’t just repeating mistakes, you are learning from the, and in turn, you make the world better.
So changing the world, I guess, isn’t always about external accomplishments and awards and projects, but also, more importantly, taking care of yourself because, once you do, you are able to hold space for everything and everyone else to let them flow with their egos too. :)