Here in the spot again where I am bombarded with so many ideas. Hahah.
And I already have a Notion database full of tasks that aren’t even done yet. Not to mention, work stuff.
But I digress.
I’m here to bring clarity to the table.
Oh, clarity. What an awesome idea you are. Hahah.
And it seems like I am getting to know you more and more each day. The more I read and learn about the successful people I follow every day, the more I realize that I’m not supposed to figure out everything right away. I’m just supposed to follow the nudges and the niggles.
What if right now there are so many nudges and niggles poking around in your head?
The answer is to tackle them one at a time. And for each task, ask yourself, Do I need to do this or do I want to do this?
And I feel like, in doing that, it will always lead you to the right answer. Another question would be, Why or why this? Or why not? Just why???
The more that you dig deeper behind the intentions of what you are doing, the more you will remember that you did set out in this world to do something and it all did come from that brilliant spark in your head.
As much as we like to believe that our brains are just over-working, overthinking, fear-oriented body organs, they’re more than that. They process the innermost knowings of things you might not even understand right now but maybe (just maybe) you might if you give it a chance and act on it.
So here I am again at 3am. Huddled. Well, sitting upright in front of the computer. Sipping my coffee because I’m such a rebel like that. (What is sleep?)
And it’s not that I have insomnia. But that I have conditioned myself to think that I can do anything, even wake up in the middle of the night to do my thing while the rest of the world sleeps. I now realize that that has always been my thing ever since I can’t remember.
And on top of being awake at this time, I can vividly remember these nights spent just writing or typing or scribbling my thoughts away in the hopes of sharing (or not) them on the interwebs where someone might read it or happen to pass by or it glance at it and maybe feel a little heard, a little seen, a little loved and supported.
Support, the thing I’ve always been seeking but now find in myself. It’s so ironic. I’ve always wanted to feel supported by my mother or parent or anyone, really, in pursuing the things I love. But along the way, in hindsight, I’ve always simply given myself that support. As someone who’s vastly reserved by nature, I could say that I don’t really share much of my dreams to just anyone who passes by anyway. And so that kind of makes it even harder for people to support me when they don’t really know what to support me with? Or maybe they can just support me no matter what? Lol. I’m just kidding. Sort of. I just really feel like the person who most has to support you is yourself because that’s how you realize that the answers, cliche as it may be, are and always were in you.
And so this clarity thing, I don’t believe it for one second. We are clear. You are clear. You already know what you want. You already know.
And what do I want right now that I feel like I am just a tiny bit scared about?
- Teachery course — Because really, how have I come this far? Hahahah. Those 2 years were a blur, y’all. I sometimes can’t believe that I deserve to create these things, that somehow I deserve to be creative. I feel like the pull of “responsibility” is always strong and I feel obliged to follow paths that bring obvious gains. But obviously, this is not the case. It may not really seem like doing something you love can be of huge gain to you right now, but it is. So many people have found that to be true. (And I need to convince myself of this in order to begin materializing this course I have in my mind and heart.)
- Vedic astrology — One of the things that I spend my time on is learning about the stars. They just never fail to mesmerize me. Just putting it out there, but being a Vedic astrologer is in the books for me. Hahahah. No, really.
- Payment app — Since Stripe has not yet landed its glorious heels in our country, it became so hard for me to find a service (besides PayPal) to get paid. PayPal is nice and all but the fees and the conversion rates are a bummer. And so there’s this up-and-coming app in my country that has been released but the process for customers is a little bit inconvenient because they have to put in their details every time they make a purchase. And so my aim is to make it a little easier by coming up with an e-commerce solution that uses this payment gateway.
- Finding more clients — One of the most intriguing things about this whole financial journey I am on is learning about myself and why I get in the way of me finding and landing more clients. I get a little bit confused as to what I can offer. This is the main reason why I started this post about clarity. I like so many things, and not to brag (but I’m bragging though) but I’m good at many things as it pertains to computers and technology and maybe even writing and design. And I like all these things! And this makes it a little more challenging for me to get to an offer or package where I can use my strengths and position them in a way that is really enticing for my potential, ideal, future clients.
I feel like I have an idea right now about what to offer, based on a WAIM Unlimited coaching call replay that I just watched… But is it good enough? Will it work? Will I land clients that way or will I just be wasting time?
And the truth is, I’ve wasted time in so many ways, so why not friggin’ waste time doing something that might potentially bring me fulfillment and money? Good question, self. I guess we have an answer.
See, this exercise wasn’t so just I could get ideas about what to do next but also so that I could hold space for myself to process what I’m thinking AND feeling.
It’s kind of healing and restorative and cathartic in so many ways. That is what writing has been for me: clarity.